Anne opened her eyes. It took her several seconds to focus on the bright, white ceiling above; her eyelids were tight with a crust that had collected while she slept. Down from the ceiling, her gaze dropped to her chest, it would rise and fall with every breath. Her heart echoed from within its cage, full of life and desperate to break free. Light broke through a crack in the curtains, draping across her left side. It was silent.
‘Anne?’ The voice startled
her. Who was this stranger at her bedroom door? She didn’t recognise the slim
figure with greying hair and perfect smile.
‘It’s me. Jim.’ The stranger walked towards her, carrying a glass, and sat himself on the bed.
‘Oh! J-Jim.’ She nodded, trying to pull herself up in the bed, ‘my m-mind hasn’t woken up yet.’
‘It’s alright. Hold on, let me help. You need to take your pills, OK?’
‘Mm,’ Anne nodded.
‘Are you excited? For the wedding?’ Jim smiled at her as she shakily took the glass from his hands.
‘Wedding?’
‘Yes. Jackie’s wedding. It’s today sweetheart, so you need to get ready.’ ‘Oh, yes. Of c-course.’
‘I’ll make us a brew while you get washed and dressed.’ Jim made his way downstairs to make his second cup of coffee that morning. As he flicked on the kettle and measured out the sugar. You can do this. Everything will be fine. His fear of the unexpected seemed all too familiar, though the severity of it hadn’t been felt since the day they heard the diagnosis.
‘Anne Jennifer Foster?’ The neurologist had sat himself opposite them both, carrying paperwork in one hand. ‘Unfortunately, the scan has shown that there has been some damage to the small cerebral arteries in your brain. This has been caused by the disease Cerebral Autosomal Dominant Arteriopathy with Subcortical Infarcts and Leukoencephalopathy, or CADASIL as I'll refer to it from now on.'
'I don't understand what any of this means,' Anne spoke quietly.
‘I understand how overwhelmed you’re both feeling, but I’ll explain everything and then answer any questions you have. CADASIL is a heredity stroke disorder, which can be caused by a genetic mutation. Did your parents suffer from strokes?’
‘No, no not at all.’ Anne could feel her heart in her mouth.
‘It can skip generations which is most likely to have happened in your case. You mentioned your frequent, long migraines which are often an early symptom of the disease. As the damage to the arteries spreads, in more cases than not, it progresses into a form of Alzheimer’s; your results appear to show-’
‘Alzheimer’s? As in Dementia?’ Jim spoke quickly, sure that he had misheard him.
‘Yes. Anne, I’m afraid you are developing what we call early onset dementia.’
‘No, no, no… This can’t be right. She is 47 - 47 year olds don’t get dementia!’ Jim felt panicked but Anne was silent as she shook her head and embraced herself. The neurologists face fell with sympathy as he continued,
‘It is a form most found in those aged 40-60. I have some leaflets here with more information and support, for both of you. It’s up to you now to decide the next steps we take in treatment.’
‘There is no cure for dementia…’ Anne’s voice trailed off as she fought back an urge to cry.
‘Unfortunately no, there isn’t. But there are things we can do to keep you comfortable and relieve the symptoms slightly…’ In that moment Anne felt completely alone, she could see as the neurologist slid leaflets across the desk in front of her, his lips moving with the scripted support, but she was deaf to it all. A ringing in her ears grew stronger while she played her future out in her head.
‘…and as it progresses she will begin to forget names, muddle them up and such.’ He was talking to Jim, as if she was no longer there. She saw the look on Jim’s face; the panic, the confusion.
‘Will she… forget me?’ Jim already knew the answer then, and when Dr. Watts sighed in the pitiful way that Doctors do, it confirmed his speculations.
‘I’m afraid that yes, eventually, she will struggle to recognize faces too.’ Jim knew that it was part of the job to stay consoling and emotionless, but his face said it all: I’m just glad I’m not going through this.
‘I don’t want to lose my Jen.’ He turned to her and held a firm grip on her hand, but she couldn’t speak.
‘It’s me. Jim.’ The stranger walked towards her, carrying a glass, and sat himself on the bed.
‘Oh! J-Jim.’ She nodded, trying to pull herself up in the bed, ‘my m-mind hasn’t woken up yet.’
‘It’s alright. Hold on, let me help. You need to take your pills, OK?’
‘Mm,’ Anne nodded.
‘Are you excited? For the wedding?’ Jim smiled at her as she shakily took the glass from his hands.
‘Wedding?’
‘Yes. Jackie’s wedding. It’s today sweetheart, so you need to get ready.’ ‘Oh, yes. Of c-course.’
‘I’ll make us a brew while you get washed and dressed.’ Jim made his way downstairs to make his second cup of coffee that morning. As he flicked on the kettle and measured out the sugar. You can do this. Everything will be fine. His fear of the unexpected seemed all too familiar, though the severity of it hadn’t been felt since the day they heard the diagnosis.
‘Anne Jennifer Foster?’ The neurologist had sat himself opposite them both, carrying paperwork in one hand. ‘Unfortunately, the scan has shown that there has been some damage to the small cerebral arteries in your brain. This has been caused by the disease Cerebral Autosomal Dominant Arteriopathy with Subcortical Infarcts and Leukoencephalopathy, or CADASIL as I'll refer to it from now on.'
'I don't understand what any of this means,' Anne spoke quietly.
‘I understand how overwhelmed you’re both feeling, but I’ll explain everything and then answer any questions you have. CADASIL is a heredity stroke disorder, which can be caused by a genetic mutation. Did your parents suffer from strokes?’
‘No, no not at all.’ Anne could feel her heart in her mouth.
‘It can skip generations which is most likely to have happened in your case. You mentioned your frequent, long migraines which are often an early symptom of the disease. As the damage to the arteries spreads, in more cases than not, it progresses into a form of Alzheimer’s; your results appear to show-’
‘Alzheimer’s? As in Dementia?’ Jim spoke quickly, sure that he had misheard him.
‘Yes. Anne, I’m afraid you are developing what we call early onset dementia.’
‘No, no, no… This can’t be right. She is 47 - 47 year olds don’t get dementia!’ Jim felt panicked but Anne was silent as she shook her head and embraced herself. The neurologists face fell with sympathy as he continued,
‘It is a form most found in those aged 40-60. I have some leaflets here with more information and support, for both of you. It’s up to you now to decide the next steps we take in treatment.’
‘There is no cure for dementia…’ Anne’s voice trailed off as she fought back an urge to cry.
‘Unfortunately no, there isn’t. But there are things we can do to keep you comfortable and relieve the symptoms slightly…’ In that moment Anne felt completely alone, she could see as the neurologist slid leaflets across the desk in front of her, his lips moving with the scripted support, but she was deaf to it all. A ringing in her ears grew stronger while she played her future out in her head.
‘…and as it progresses she will begin to forget names, muddle them up and such.’ He was talking to Jim, as if she was no longer there. She saw the look on Jim’s face; the panic, the confusion.
‘Will she… forget me?’ Jim already knew the answer then, and when Dr. Watts sighed in the pitiful way that Doctors do, it confirmed his speculations.
‘I’m afraid that yes, eventually, she will struggle to recognize faces too.’ Jim knew that it was part of the job to stay consoling and emotionless, but his face said it all: I’m just glad I’m not going through this.
‘I don’t want to lose my Jen.’ He turned to her and held a firm grip on her hand, but she couldn’t speak.
The kettle whistled as it reached a boil and Jim
made a coffee for himself and tea for Anne. She was no longer in bed and had
managed to get herself into their en-suite without using her walking aid.
‘Anne? What’s wrong?’ Jim saw as she sat on the toilet still fully clothed, sobbing into her hands. Her pyjama bottoms were sodden and he knew that she hadn’t made it in time. ‘Hey, hey. It’s alright, come on, let’s get you cleaned up.’
‘Anne? What’s wrong?’ Jim saw as she sat on the toilet still fully clothed, sobbing into her hands. Her pyjama bottoms were sodden and he knew that she hadn’t made it in time. ‘Hey, hey. It’s alright, come on, let’s get you cleaned up.’
***
Jackie woke suddenly after a knock on her
bedroom door. Today is the day.
‘Ready for the big day?’ Jim pushed the door ajar.
‘Of course,’ she smiled, ‘how’s Mum today?’
‘She’s alright, been a bit teary this morning but nothing major. I’m just helping her wash and dress, then I’ll bring her down for breakfast.’
‘OK Dad, see you downstairs.’ Jackie left her bed and stood on her tiptoes to give her Dad a kiss as she passed, before heading down to the kitchen. She saw the photographs on the stairs, family portraits, her graduation, and her favourite: Anne on her wedding day. She looked beautiful; her hair was longer, tied in a bun under the flowing veil that merged into the angelic dress that she wore. She smiled and Jackie smiled back, she knew how happy her Mother had been the day that she had announced her engagement,
‘Mum! Dad! Where have you been?’ Jackie had thrown herself at her parents after waiting over an hour for them to return home.
‘We just had to, um’ Anne was lost. Her parents faces were pale, like a sickness had overcome them all at once.
‘Is everything OK?’ Her brow narrowed.
‘Yes, honey.’ Anne paused, ‘everything is fine.’ She smiled at her daughter, reaching out to tuck a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear.
‘Well I’m glad you’re both here now! Listen, me and Sean have some news – we’ve been waiting for you to get back.’ She pulled her parents into their living room where her boyfriend sat.
‘OK Mum, Dad,’ a wide smile stretched across Jackie’s face as she pulled Sean to a stand with her, ‘we’re getting married!’ Anne could feel her ears ringing again, but still she stood smiling to embrace her daughter. She couldn’t feel anything. She loved them both, Jackie and Sean, but she didn’t want to look to the future and worry that she wouldn’t be part of it.
‘Ready for the big day?’ Jim pushed the door ajar.
‘Of course,’ she smiled, ‘how’s Mum today?’
‘She’s alright, been a bit teary this morning but nothing major. I’m just helping her wash and dress, then I’ll bring her down for breakfast.’
‘OK Dad, see you downstairs.’ Jackie left her bed and stood on her tiptoes to give her Dad a kiss as she passed, before heading down to the kitchen. She saw the photographs on the stairs, family portraits, her graduation, and her favourite: Anne on her wedding day. She looked beautiful; her hair was longer, tied in a bun under the flowing veil that merged into the angelic dress that she wore. She smiled and Jackie smiled back, she knew how happy her Mother had been the day that she had announced her engagement,
‘Mum! Dad! Where have you been?’ Jackie had thrown herself at her parents after waiting over an hour for them to return home.
‘We just had to, um’ Anne was lost. Her parents faces were pale, like a sickness had overcome them all at once.
‘Is everything OK?’ Her brow narrowed.
‘Yes, honey.’ Anne paused, ‘everything is fine.’ She smiled at her daughter, reaching out to tuck a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear.
‘Well I’m glad you’re both here now! Listen, me and Sean have some news – we’ve been waiting for you to get back.’ She pulled her parents into their living room where her boyfriend sat.
‘OK Mum, Dad,’ a wide smile stretched across Jackie’s face as she pulled Sean to a stand with her, ‘we’re getting married!’ Anne could feel her ears ringing again, but still she stood smiling to embrace her daughter. She couldn’t feel anything. She loved them both, Jackie and Sean, but she didn’t want to look to the future and worry that she wouldn’t be part of it.
I’m so glad
that you’re part of this, Mum. Jackie
smiled at the photograph again, before continuing downstairs. Her phone had
been left downstairs overnight: 17 new
messages, 8 missed calls.
‘There’s orange juice in the fridge,’ Jim entered the kitchen, looking at the glass of water in Jackie’s hand.
‘Oh, no. I need to stay slim for the dress.’ She crumpled her face.
‘Well I hardly doubt orange juice will make a difference.’
‘It might.’
‘Are you going to have something to eat at least?’
‘No, not right now anyway. The girls will be here soon.’
‘Jackie, I really think you should eat something.’
‘No, Dad.’ She snapped, Jim was taken aback. They hadn’t argued in over a year, since we told her…
‘Jackie, honey, would you come sit down?’ Anne spoke softly and tapped her hand on the empty space beside her.
‘Why? What’s wrong? Dad?’ She looked between them both, Anne could feel her heart race. She was so afraid to tell her, so afraid to ruin her life. ‘Seriously, what’s going on? Has someone died?’
‘No. No, honey.’ Her mother smiled, placing a hand on her knee. Jackie noticed leaflets on the table in front of them.
‘Coping with Dementia?’
‘Just, listen. You know that I have been suffering from awful migraines recently?’
‘Yes, but they’re just migraines Mum. You don’t have a bloody disease.’ She laughed as she spoke, but Jim wasn’t impressed.
‘Don’t speak to your Mum like that! This is serious Jackie-’
‘Don’t speak to me like that! I’m 24 and I don’t even live here anymore, you can’t tell me what to do!’ They were both standing now.
‘For as long as you’re my daughter you will do as I say.’
‘Please! Stop it, both of you!’ Anne was in tears, her hands shaking as she cried out.
‘Oh Jen, I’m sorry. Come on, sit back down.’
‘I’m sorry too Mum, really.’ Jackie touched Anne’s arm as she sat down. ‘What is it you were going to tell me?’
‘Well, as well as the migraines I have been forgetting things – little things like, putting the milk under the sink for example. Your father thought I ought to get myself looked at and well, I did.’ Jackie said nothing, locking eye contact with her mother who sighed before continuing, ‘there has been damage to my brain, and as the damage has worsened it has begun to cause early-onset dementia.’
‘You’re joking, right? I mean, people who are 70 get Dementia. Not my mum.’ Jackie felt a lump in her throat as her eyes began to flood.
‘It’s going to be OK. I want to help with your wedding as much as I can, and make it perfect for you. Even if it is my last memory, at least it can be a good one, right?’
‘When does it get bad? I mean, worse?’ Anne didn’t respond, she looked to Jim for help.
‘The, uh, Doctor told us that this has been progressing for a long time now, and due to the type of dementia your Mum has, it will progress at a rapid rate.’ Jim spoke slowly as Jackie listened.
‘What? How can she come to my wedding if she doesn’t know who I am?’
‘Jackie!’
‘What Dad? You know I’m right!’
‘There’s orange juice in the fridge,’ Jim entered the kitchen, looking at the glass of water in Jackie’s hand.
‘Oh, no. I need to stay slim for the dress.’ She crumpled her face.
‘Well I hardly doubt orange juice will make a difference.’
‘It might.’
‘Are you going to have something to eat at least?’
‘No, not right now anyway. The girls will be here soon.’
‘Jackie, I really think you should eat something.’
‘No, Dad.’ She snapped, Jim was taken aback. They hadn’t argued in over a year, since we told her…
‘Jackie, honey, would you come sit down?’ Anne spoke softly and tapped her hand on the empty space beside her.
‘Why? What’s wrong? Dad?’ She looked between them both, Anne could feel her heart race. She was so afraid to tell her, so afraid to ruin her life. ‘Seriously, what’s going on? Has someone died?’
‘No. No, honey.’ Her mother smiled, placing a hand on her knee. Jackie noticed leaflets on the table in front of them.
‘Coping with Dementia?’
‘Just, listen. You know that I have been suffering from awful migraines recently?’
‘Yes, but they’re just migraines Mum. You don’t have a bloody disease.’ She laughed as she spoke, but Jim wasn’t impressed.
‘Don’t speak to your Mum like that! This is serious Jackie-’
‘Don’t speak to me like that! I’m 24 and I don’t even live here anymore, you can’t tell me what to do!’ They were both standing now.
‘For as long as you’re my daughter you will do as I say.’
‘Please! Stop it, both of you!’ Anne was in tears, her hands shaking as she cried out.
‘Oh Jen, I’m sorry. Come on, sit back down.’
‘I’m sorry too Mum, really.’ Jackie touched Anne’s arm as she sat down. ‘What is it you were going to tell me?’
‘Well, as well as the migraines I have been forgetting things – little things like, putting the milk under the sink for example. Your father thought I ought to get myself looked at and well, I did.’ Jackie said nothing, locking eye contact with her mother who sighed before continuing, ‘there has been damage to my brain, and as the damage has worsened it has begun to cause early-onset dementia.’
‘You’re joking, right? I mean, people who are 70 get Dementia. Not my mum.’ Jackie felt a lump in her throat as her eyes began to flood.
‘It’s going to be OK. I want to help with your wedding as much as I can, and make it perfect for you. Even if it is my last memory, at least it can be a good one, right?’
‘When does it get bad? I mean, worse?’ Anne didn’t respond, she looked to Jim for help.
‘The, uh, Doctor told us that this has been progressing for a long time now, and due to the type of dementia your Mum has, it will progress at a rapid rate.’ Jim spoke slowly as Jackie listened.
‘What? How can she come to my wedding if she doesn’t know who I am?’
‘Jackie!’
‘What Dad? You know I’m right!’
Jackie sipped on the water and
watched Jim drink his coffee opposite.
‘I’m sorry Dad.’
‘What for?’
‘Just everything, I guess. For everything I said about Mum, you know before. How she wouldn’t be here today. And for just being a bitch.’
‘You’re not a bitch, Jackie. I know that.’
‘But does Mum?’
‘I’m sure she does,’ Jim gave her a comforting smile, ‘I’d better go upstairs and check on her now anyway. You ought to start getting ready too.’ He kissed her forehead as he disappeared.
‘I’m sorry Dad.’
‘What for?’
‘Just everything, I guess. For everything I said about Mum, you know before. How she wouldn’t be here today. And for just being a bitch.’
‘You’re not a bitch, Jackie. I know that.’
‘But does Mum?’
‘I’m sure she does,’ Jim gave her a comforting smile, ‘I’d better go upstairs and check on her now anyway. You ought to start getting ready too.’ He kissed her forehead as he disappeared.
Anne sat at the foot of the bed,
staring at her feet. They were blue with pink spots, the flesh of her toe
showed through a single hole. The voices downstairs had stopped as she stood
and walked towards the window. She had wondered where the voices came from;
were they inside her head? Outside, the sky was blue and the trees flourished
with bright green leaves. Where am I? Her
breathing grew rapid and her heart heavy, she didn’t recognise the street
outside, or the room she stood in.
‘Anne…’ Jim returned to the bedroom, adjusting the tie on his suit ‘are you ready? Jackie’s girls are here now, we don’t want to get in the way.’
‘I-I c-can’t l-le-’ she kept back, stumbling over a discarded pair of shoes and falling to her knees.
‘Don’t worry,’ he rushed to hold her, ‘it’s me, Jim. I’m going to help you get there safely, to the wedding, OK?’
‘Mhmm-mm’ Anne nodded slowly as he helped her up.
‘Anne…’ Jim returned to the bedroom, adjusting the tie on his suit ‘are you ready? Jackie’s girls are here now, we don’t want to get in the way.’
‘I-I c-can’t l-le-’ she kept back, stumbling over a discarded pair of shoes and falling to her knees.
‘Don’t worry,’ he rushed to hold her, ‘it’s me, Jim. I’m going to help you get there safely, to the wedding, OK?’
‘Mhmm-mm’ Anne nodded slowly as he helped her up.
Outside, Mark and Alyssa were waiting for them
in their car.
‘Cheers for offering the lift Mark’ Jim helped Anne into the back of the car.
‘No worries mate, I know it can’t be easy to drive and not have a spare pair of hands.’
‘Yeah, I rarely drive anywhere, Je-, Anne needs me more.’
‘I understand mate.’
‘How are you both anyway?’ Jim strapped himself into the back seat next to Anne as they set off.
‘We’re fine sweetie,’ Alyssa leaned through the gap between the front seats, ‘Hi Anne, do you remember me?’ She gave her a toothy smile.
‘N-n-nn’
‘It’s me, Alyssa. Come on Anne, you remember me? I was there when you caused that fire?’
‘Alyssa!’ Mark hissed at her, ‘that’s enough. Don’t push her like that.’
‘Like what? I was just trying to jog her memory,’ she laughed as she rotated back around. Jim held Anne’s hand in the back, he knew that she didn’t understand but she still needed comforting. He watched her stare blankly out the window, seeing houses, cars and people pass by in a blur. The night of the fire was the first time that he had seen that look on her face.
Anne hadn’t finished preparing the meal when the doorbell rang.
‘Jim! Can you get the door?’ She listened as the front door was opened and the guests were greeted. Now six months after her diagnosis, more people knew than she cared to admit and the quiet voices that she could hear suggested that it had already become the topic of conversation.
‘Cheers for offering the lift Mark’ Jim helped Anne into the back of the car.
‘No worries mate, I know it can’t be easy to drive and not have a spare pair of hands.’
‘Yeah, I rarely drive anywhere, Je-, Anne needs me more.’
‘I understand mate.’
‘How are you both anyway?’ Jim strapped himself into the back seat next to Anne as they set off.
‘We’re fine sweetie,’ Alyssa leaned through the gap between the front seats, ‘Hi Anne, do you remember me?’ She gave her a toothy smile.
‘N-n-nn’
‘It’s me, Alyssa. Come on Anne, you remember me? I was there when you caused that fire?’
‘Alyssa!’ Mark hissed at her, ‘that’s enough. Don’t push her like that.’
‘Like what? I was just trying to jog her memory,’ she laughed as she rotated back around. Jim held Anne’s hand in the back, he knew that she didn’t understand but she still needed comforting. He watched her stare blankly out the window, seeing houses, cars and people pass by in a blur. The night of the fire was the first time that he had seen that look on her face.
Anne hadn’t finished preparing the meal when the doorbell rang.
‘Jim! Can you get the door?’ She listened as the front door was opened and the guests were greeted. Now six months after her diagnosis, more people knew than she cared to admit and the quiet voices that she could hear suggested that it had already become the topic of conversation.
‘How’s the food coming along, Jen?’ Jim led Mark
and Alyssa into the kitchen as Anne set the potatoes to boil.
'Oh Anne!’ Alyssa rushed towards her, ‘I'm so sorry. I heard about your, um-’ She
let her hand rest on Anne’s arm.
‘Oh please, don’t worry.’ Anne forced a smile, but she had never enjoyed Alyssa’s company.
‘Well hon, at least it’s not cancer!’ Alyssa let out an excessive laugh. Bitch. I wish I had cancer – no! You don’t mean that. Jim led the party into the living room, where he opened a bottle of red wine. He stopped suddenly, turning to Anne,
‘Can you smell burning?’
‘Oh my God!’ Anne’s eyes widened as she ran into the kitchen, followed by Jim and Alyssa.
‘Shit! I left the towel on the hob!’ Flames were rising as Jim rushed to put the fire out.
‘Oh my gaaad!’ Alyssa squawked in the doorway while Anne began to cry.
‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry…’ her head fell into her hands as Jim managed to kill the fire. He led her into the next room and sat her down.
‘It’s alright, Jen. Just calm down and come through when you’re ready. It wasn’t your fault.’ He smiled as he wandered back to their guests, and Anne listened as they spoke.
‘Maybe she isn’t in a fit state to cook anymore Jim, I mean today she’s forgetting to take the towel off the hob, what could happen tomorrow? It’s just not safe. She nearly had us all up in flames!’
‘Maybe we should leave…’ Mark put his arm around Alyssa, while Jim nodded in agreement. He returned to the living room where Anne sat, but Anne wasn’t there. Her gaze focused ahead, into nothing.
‘Jen, are you OK?’
‘W-who’s Jen?’ The fear was clear in her eyes, as Jim felt his heart sink.
‘Oh please, don’t worry.’ Anne forced a smile, but she had never enjoyed Alyssa’s company.
‘Well hon, at least it’s not cancer!’ Alyssa let out an excessive laugh. Bitch. I wish I had cancer – no! You don’t mean that. Jim led the party into the living room, where he opened a bottle of red wine. He stopped suddenly, turning to Anne,
‘Can you smell burning?’
‘Oh my God!’ Anne’s eyes widened as she ran into the kitchen, followed by Jim and Alyssa.
‘Shit! I left the towel on the hob!’ Flames were rising as Jim rushed to put the fire out.
‘Oh my gaaad!’ Alyssa squawked in the doorway while Anne began to cry.
‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry…’ her head fell into her hands as Jim managed to kill the fire. He led her into the next room and sat her down.
‘It’s alright, Jen. Just calm down and come through when you’re ready. It wasn’t your fault.’ He smiled as he wandered back to their guests, and Anne listened as they spoke.
‘Maybe she isn’t in a fit state to cook anymore Jim, I mean today she’s forgetting to take the towel off the hob, what could happen tomorrow? It’s just not safe. She nearly had us all up in flames!’
‘Maybe we should leave…’ Mark put his arm around Alyssa, while Jim nodded in agreement. He returned to the living room where Anne sat, but Anne wasn’t there. Her gaze focused ahead, into nothing.
‘Jen, are you OK?’
‘W-who’s Jen?’ The fear was clear in her eyes, as Jim felt his heart sink.
‘Jim?’
‘Uh- what?’ Jim returned to Alyssa’s face peering at him from the front seat.
‘I said is Jackie excited? For today?’
‘Oh yes, yes. The bridesmaids have been over all morning, the house has become some kind of manic beauty parlour. I couldn’t wait to get out.’ He laughed, still watching Anne but she wasn’t listening.
‘Aw, I bet!’ Alyssa turned her gaze to Anne and whispered, ‘she, uh, won’t cause a scene will she?’
‘That’s enough Alyssa.’ Mark had stopped the car. ‘We’re here now.’
‘Uh- what?’ Jim returned to Alyssa’s face peering at him from the front seat.
‘I said is Jackie excited? For today?’
‘Oh yes, yes. The bridesmaids have been over all morning, the house has become some kind of manic beauty parlour. I couldn’t wait to get out.’ He laughed, still watching Anne but she wasn’t listening.
‘Aw, I bet!’ Alyssa turned her gaze to Anne and whispered, ‘she, uh, won’t cause a scene will she?’
‘That’s enough Alyssa.’ Mark had stopped the car. ‘We’re here now.’
***
Jackie stood before the mirror, still, while her
three bridesmaids rushed to make final changes behind her. Her dress was
perfect; her hair was perfect; everything was perfect.
‘Jackie?’ Her best friend Sally stepped into the reflection, ‘are you ready? The car is outside.’
‘Yeah,’ she paused as she adjusted her veil, ‘I’m ready.’
As her hired car pulled up outside the church Jackie could feel her heart in her mouth.
‘I-I-’
‘What’s the matter?’ Sally had begun to step out the car.
‘I need to speak to my Mum - I need her help. Will you find her, please?’ Jackie had a hand on Sally’s arm.
‘Of course, I’ll be as quick as I can.’ Jackie was left alone. Her head turned towards the church where her relatives were gathered. Ten minutes before the wedding was due to start; most of them were inside, but her Aunt Mary still stood on the steps. Jackie only remembered her for the cigarette that she would always have in hand. Children she didn’t recognise chased each other across the freshly cut grass, weaving in and out of patiently waiting guests. Sally had disappeared into the church, Jackie’s heart thundered heavily. I need you, Mum.
Her father appeared through the archway, with Anne on his arm. Sally hurried behind them, pointing out in Jackie’s direction.
‘Honey, what’s wrong?’ Jim opened the car door beside her, ‘people are starting to get restless in there.’
‘I just need to speak to Mum.’
‘Well alright, don’t be too long. Come on, Anne,’ he helped Anne into the seat beside Jackie and closed the door.
‘Mum?’ There was no response. ‘Look, I- I don’t know if you can help me but – but am I making a mistake here? I mean, I’m only 24, I’m still young. What if this doesn’t work out? Oh - Mum,’ Jackie could feel tears building in her eyes, ‘I just don’t know what to do, I-’
‘Shhhhh.’ Anne’s response was quiet, but enough. ‘I-I know t-that you love Sean, y-you always have. I may be losing my m-mind but I can still see –h-how h-happy he makes you.’ She took Jackie’s hand in hers and gripped it firmly. ‘I’m s-still here.’
‘I love you, Mum.’
‘I l-love you, sweetheart.’
Jim knocked on the window.
‘I know how much you and Dad love each other, I hope that I will still have that in twenty years, just in case, well-’
‘N-no. Don’t you worry about that. This d-disease can’t stop you living your life. J-just take each day as it comes.’
The car door opened,
‘Are you ready girls?’ Jim laughed.
‘Yes, Dad. But if it’s alright, I’d like both of you to walk down the aisle with me?’
Jackie walked arm-in-arm with her parents, the pace was slow in keeping with Anne. The faces of friends, of relatives, smiled back at them as they passed. Music played as Jackie took it one step at a time, her gaze focusing on the man that she loved.
‘Jackie?’ Her best friend Sally stepped into the reflection, ‘are you ready? The car is outside.’
‘Yeah,’ she paused as she adjusted her veil, ‘I’m ready.’
As her hired car pulled up outside the church Jackie could feel her heart in her mouth.
‘I-I-’
‘What’s the matter?’ Sally had begun to step out the car.
‘I need to speak to my Mum - I need her help. Will you find her, please?’ Jackie had a hand on Sally’s arm.
‘Of course, I’ll be as quick as I can.’ Jackie was left alone. Her head turned towards the church where her relatives were gathered. Ten minutes before the wedding was due to start; most of them were inside, but her Aunt Mary still stood on the steps. Jackie only remembered her for the cigarette that she would always have in hand. Children she didn’t recognise chased each other across the freshly cut grass, weaving in and out of patiently waiting guests. Sally had disappeared into the church, Jackie’s heart thundered heavily. I need you, Mum.
Her father appeared through the archway, with Anne on his arm. Sally hurried behind them, pointing out in Jackie’s direction.
‘Honey, what’s wrong?’ Jim opened the car door beside her, ‘people are starting to get restless in there.’
‘I just need to speak to Mum.’
‘Well alright, don’t be too long. Come on, Anne,’ he helped Anne into the seat beside Jackie and closed the door.
‘Mum?’ There was no response. ‘Look, I- I don’t know if you can help me but – but am I making a mistake here? I mean, I’m only 24, I’m still young. What if this doesn’t work out? Oh - Mum,’ Jackie could feel tears building in her eyes, ‘I just don’t know what to do, I-’
‘Shhhhh.’ Anne’s response was quiet, but enough. ‘I-I know t-that you love Sean, y-you always have. I may be losing my m-mind but I can still see –h-how h-happy he makes you.’ She took Jackie’s hand in hers and gripped it firmly. ‘I’m s-still here.’
‘I love you, Mum.’
‘I l-love you, sweetheart.’
Jim knocked on the window.
‘I know how much you and Dad love each other, I hope that I will still have that in twenty years, just in case, well-’
‘N-no. Don’t you worry about that. This d-disease can’t stop you living your life. J-just take each day as it comes.’
The car door opened,
‘Are you ready girls?’ Jim laughed.
‘Yes, Dad. But if it’s alright, I’d like both of you to walk down the aisle with me?’
Jackie walked arm-in-arm with her parents, the pace was slow in keeping with Anne. The faces of friends, of relatives, smiled back at them as they passed. Music played as Jackie took it one step at a time, her gaze focusing on the man that she loved.
***
‘Let’s welcome, for the first time ladies and gents, Mr and Mrs Williams!’ The room filled with a sea of applause as the newly-weds entered, their faces alive with happiness. A slow song calmed the excitement as they took their first dance.
‘D-doesn’t she look b-beautiful’ Anne smiled at Jim.
‘Yes. She does. Just like you on our wedding day.’ He took her hand, inviting her to join him on the dancefloor. ‘Do you remember what we danced to?’
‘Ohh y-yes’ Anne leant her head against Jim’s chest, ‘E-everything I do.’ ‘That’s the one,’ he smiled, ‘how has it been so long?’
‘T-time f-flies when you’re h-having fun-n.’
‘It does.’ Jim smiled, the tangled lights and ancient disco ball took him back to that night,
‘How does it feel to be Mrs Foster?’ Jim whispered into his new wife’s ear and chuckled.
‘It will take some getting used to!’ Anne giggled as they slowly drifted along the dance floor.
‘…Search your soul, And when you find me there, you’ll search no more…’
‘Remind me why we chose this song again?’
‘Oi! Bryan Adams is a legend.’ Anne dug her elbow into his waist.
‘Ow! It was definitely your choice then.’ He smiled, leaning in to kiss her gently, ‘I love you Jen.’
‘I do wish you’d stop using my middle name – I hate it.’
‘…Don’t tell me it’s not wort tryin’ for, You can’t tell me it’s not worth dying for…’
‘Well, I love it.’ Jim smiled as he remembered, but saw how tried Anne had become, ‘shall we sit down?’
‘Y-yes.’ The dancefloor was full, ‘w-where is Jackie?’
‘She’s in the crowd somewhere. Let her have her fun, we’ll speak to her later.’
***
A
steady beeping woke Anne slowly and she opened her eyes to an unfamiliar room.
‘Morning Anne,’ a young nurse stood beside her bed, smiling.
‘Uhh.’
‘Would you like a drink? Something to eat?’
‘N-n’ Anne pushed the tray she was offered away.
‘You should really try to drink something today Anne, you’re very dehydrated.’ ‘Morning Lucy,’ Jim appeared at the door, ‘how is she today?’
‘Just woken up. She didn’t eat a thing yesterday, we’ve been monitoring her drinking but so far no luck. If she doesn’t drink something soon we may have to put her on fluids.’
‘I’ll see if I can get her to try,’ he touched Lucy’s arm, ‘thank you.’
‘I’ll leave you two alone now, let me know if you need anything.’ She smiled. ‘Hello Anne, it’s Jim. How are you feeling today?’
‘Mhmm.’
‘I’ve brought some of your favourite photographs to look at, thought you might want to put them up here. Maybe on those shelves?’ Anne’s room was basic, though it had a perfect view of the gardens. Her bed sat along the left wall, while a wardrobe and draw set lined the other. Shelves were attached to the wall beside Anne’s own en-suite. Jim pulled up a seat beside the bed. ‘Here, who is this?’ He held the photograph in front of Anne.
‘I-I don-n’
‘It’s you, on the beach in 1999. And there’s Jackie, she must have been only 3 or 4 there-’
‘St-stop’ Anne began to cry, ‘I- I c-can’t r-r-remember!’
‘Don’t cry, it’s alright.’
‘N-no l-leave m-me!’
‘Is everything alright?’ Lucy rushed in, ‘I heard shouting. Anne? Are you OK?’
‘She’s frustrated, I’ll just take a walk down for a coffee and see how she is when I’m back.’ Jim sighed.
‘I’m sorry Jim, we thought she was stable but she’s taken a turn for the worst in the last few days.’ Lucy stepped outside with him. ‘She has deteriorated at a rapid rate; she is forgetting to eat and drink. She’s lost 8lbs this week.’
‘Is this it, then?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know? I mean isn’t this what happens? She forgets to eat and drink and then, that’s it. Her body will forget to survive…’
‘We couldn’t say, Jim. It is different with every patient, dementia is cruel. It doesn’t carry a specific time limit. She may pick up next week – you never know.’ Lucy smiled and returned to Anne, but Jim felt no more reassured as he walked down the corridor.
When he returned Anne was alone again. He entered her room quietly and placed his coffee on the bedside table.
‘What have you got there?’ He leant over and saw the picture Anne held. ‘Ah, that’s a nice photograph.’
‘J-Jackie.’
‘Pardon?’
‘J-Jackie.’ Anne lifted a finger to a face in the photograph.
‘Yes! That’s Jackie. Doesn’t she make a beautiful bride?’
‘Y-yes. That’s S-Sean, a-and M-Mary.’
‘How about these two?’ Jim moved Anne’s finger across.
‘Uhh.’
‘That’s me, and that’s you. Do you remember having the photograph taken? Right after the ceremony, out in the gardens. It was a lovely day.’
‘M-Michael?’ Anne was confused again.
‘Michael? He wasn’t born yet sweetheart. Jackie is bringing him to see you later. You could show him the photographs.’ Jim smiled at her again, she was the most content he had seen her in weeks.
‘Jim?’ Lucy returned with clothes and a towel. ‘It’s time for Anne’s wash if that’s alright?’
‘Of course.’ He stood and leaned to kiss Anne on the cheek. ‘I’ll be back later, I love you - Jen.’ Anne looked up at him and he waited for the confusion, but her response surprised him,
‘I love you t-too,’ she smiled, ‘m-my Jim.’
‘Morning Anne,’ a young nurse stood beside her bed, smiling.
‘Uhh.’
‘Would you like a drink? Something to eat?’
‘N-n’ Anne pushed the tray she was offered away.
‘You should really try to drink something today Anne, you’re very dehydrated.’ ‘Morning Lucy,’ Jim appeared at the door, ‘how is she today?’
‘Just woken up. She didn’t eat a thing yesterday, we’ve been monitoring her drinking but so far no luck. If she doesn’t drink something soon we may have to put her on fluids.’
‘I’ll see if I can get her to try,’ he touched Lucy’s arm, ‘thank you.’
‘I’ll leave you two alone now, let me know if you need anything.’ She smiled. ‘Hello Anne, it’s Jim. How are you feeling today?’
‘Mhmm.’
‘I’ve brought some of your favourite photographs to look at, thought you might want to put them up here. Maybe on those shelves?’ Anne’s room was basic, though it had a perfect view of the gardens. Her bed sat along the left wall, while a wardrobe and draw set lined the other. Shelves were attached to the wall beside Anne’s own en-suite. Jim pulled up a seat beside the bed. ‘Here, who is this?’ He held the photograph in front of Anne.
‘I-I don-n’
‘It’s you, on the beach in 1999. And there’s Jackie, she must have been only 3 or 4 there-’
‘St-stop’ Anne began to cry, ‘I- I c-can’t r-r-remember!’
‘Don’t cry, it’s alright.’
‘N-no l-leave m-me!’
‘Is everything alright?’ Lucy rushed in, ‘I heard shouting. Anne? Are you OK?’
‘She’s frustrated, I’ll just take a walk down for a coffee and see how she is when I’m back.’ Jim sighed.
‘I’m sorry Jim, we thought she was stable but she’s taken a turn for the worst in the last few days.’ Lucy stepped outside with him. ‘She has deteriorated at a rapid rate; she is forgetting to eat and drink. She’s lost 8lbs this week.’
‘Is this it, then?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know? I mean isn’t this what happens? She forgets to eat and drink and then, that’s it. Her body will forget to survive…’
‘We couldn’t say, Jim. It is different with every patient, dementia is cruel. It doesn’t carry a specific time limit. She may pick up next week – you never know.’ Lucy smiled and returned to Anne, but Jim felt no more reassured as he walked down the corridor.
When he returned Anne was alone again. He entered her room quietly and placed his coffee on the bedside table.
‘What have you got there?’ He leant over and saw the picture Anne held. ‘Ah, that’s a nice photograph.’
‘J-Jackie.’
‘Pardon?’
‘J-Jackie.’ Anne lifted a finger to a face in the photograph.
‘Yes! That’s Jackie. Doesn’t she make a beautiful bride?’
‘Y-yes. That’s S-Sean, a-and M-Mary.’
‘How about these two?’ Jim moved Anne’s finger across.
‘Uhh.’
‘That’s me, and that’s you. Do you remember having the photograph taken? Right after the ceremony, out in the gardens. It was a lovely day.’
‘M-Michael?’ Anne was confused again.
‘Michael? He wasn’t born yet sweetheart. Jackie is bringing him to see you later. You could show him the photographs.’ Jim smiled at her again, she was the most content he had seen her in weeks.
‘Jim?’ Lucy returned with clothes and a towel. ‘It’s time for Anne’s wash if that’s alright?’
‘Of course.’ He stood and leaned to kiss Anne on the cheek. ‘I’ll be back later, I love you - Jen.’ Anne looked up at him and he waited for the confusion, but her response surprised him,
‘I love you t-too,’ she smiled, ‘m-my Jim.’
The End.
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